Veteran Nollywood actor, screenwriter, and producer Owolabi Ajasa discusses his journey to fatherhood with FATTEH HAMID. He reflects on how the values instilled in him by his own father have guided him smoothly through the experience of fatherhood.
What is your view about the concept of fatherhood?
From my own perspective, I believe a father must be responsible for all the needs of the house, take good care of the family, do all the necessary things; pay rent should they be in a rented apartment, and do every other important thing to sustain the home.
What do you love most about being a father?
I love my children and my wife because someone can refer to me as a father because I have a child. When someone calls me a father, I appreciate God for giving me a child because without that, no one can call me a father. Without a wife, there’s nothing like a child and without a child, you can’t be a father. People will only call you an uncle or a brother if you remain without a child.
Is there a difference between the way you were raised and the way you are raising your children now?
There’s a difference between how my parents raised me and the way I’m raising my children now because things have changed. Let me state an instance; all my children attended private schools throughout their nursery, primary and secondary school education while I attended public schools growing up. My father and mother were farmers and the level of education and other things we were raised with were different compared to how we are raising our children especially on discipline.
Are there tips you picked from the way you were raised that you have found useful in parenting your own children?
Definitely! In terms of discipline, my father was a disciplinarian; he never tolerated nonsense. He didn’t allow us to do anything without his consent; these are part of the things we emulated from them. My children now, despite the fact that their education had to be private, when they want to do something that I do not approve of and I wink at them, they’ll get the message. I inherited this from my father when I was growing up.
How did you determine that it was time to start a family when you did?
Well, that is part of what I mentioned the other time about how we were raised compared to how we are raising our children now. At the time we were 22 years of age, and our parents were already joking with us about not seeing any lady with us. It was part of the things that were in our heads. By the time we were 26 years, they were already making it compulsory for us that we must have a wife. They told us then that as we were having children, we would know the next thing to do. It was at the age of 26 that I got married and started fathering children. Currently, my first son is 23 years old and I have yet to see any girlfriend with him, but I have told him that I do not mind him having one but his education is the most important. These are the things that we were not made to know at that time.
Can you share the love story that culminated into the marriage with your wife?
We started our relationship at a tender age because my father built his house at Obantoko, Abeokuta, Ogun State. My in-laws came to rent an apartment in our house at the time. I was living alone there because my parents were in the village and I was acting as the landlord of the house at that time, being in charge of the rent and all of that. That was where we met one another. We also attended the same secondary school before we started our relationship, and God approved it and it became what it is today.
How did you feel when your wife told you she was pregnant?
Honestly, it was strange because it was something I had not experienced before. When she started saying that she missed her period, I was telling her that it wasn’t what was next for us. I didn’t have a job and she also didn’t have a job. So, it was something shocking that we had to be hiding. In fact, we almost aborted it because we were already seeking counsel on how it was going to be aborted; we were not prepared.
Why did you have a change of mind in aborting the first pregnancy?
Well, she mistakenly went to tell her mum of the plans that we had. It was the mother that now told us that we had to be very careful and not do that (abort the baby), stating that whoever aborted pregnancy would die. That was how we scaled that and left the pregnancy to grow.
Some people are particular about the sex or gender of their first child. What was the situation for you?
You are right and that is very true because that was how exactly it was to us. Probably the way we see things then or rather the mentality of we, the Yoruba, who will always say that Ako ni ogidan bi meaning a virile and able bodied man, i.e. an alpha male is expected to birth male offspring. Thank God, we had that in mind; it was also a male child that we first had.
What hasn’t changed about you after you became a father?
Let me talk about attitude; my attitude didn’t change, but there were some adjustments. Like I said, I learnt a lot from my father as a disciplinarian. That didn’t change anything about me; that is how I remain despite being a father. However, to the adjustments, there are things that one has to apply wisdom in doing as one grows older. If I tell you that this is what I want to do and I’m satisfied with it in my mind, that is what I’ll do. It has happened a lot of times and it hasn’t changed.